Unexpected Perks

In a totally unexpected turn of events, I’ve been driving my grandmother’s car while she’s in extended care and rehabbing herself back to health. I'm getting used to it now, so it's not as scary as it was at first. I filled it up this morning for the second time and I cannot even tell you how much it makes my heart sing that it costs less than $50. My calculations say 31.6 mpg. Which is like TWICE what I get in the truck. Also, we were able to drop the Magnum off for some “get this done before the warranty expires” business to be taken care of.

But one of the best perks? Landon LOVES that car. He’s hell to pick up in the afternoon from Miss Linda’s. He doesn’t want to leave; he wants to just keep playing. This is totally understandable, because when he gets home, we strap him to the plow and make him earn his keep in the back 40.


Anyway, to get him to leave any place for the past few days a question as simple as “Do you want to get in Great Grandma’s car?” will send him running for the door. He’s so excited. (FYI, don't ask this question unless you are absolutely ready to walk out the door, because then you get the whiny - why aren't we leaving yet crap.) My guess is that he can see better in it than in the other cars. I’m not going to question it though, because it totally works – I just fear we might overuse it. Although, I have no idea how long I will be driving the car, so I’m soaking it up while I can.

300*

Yesterday I got sent home from work at 10:30.

I was considering going home anyway because of my pounding headache, but when I discovered the lack of flushing toilets (clue #1), I decided that I had some quick errands to take care of and that hopefully the issue would be resolved when I got back. I headed out to Babies R Us to pee and get the little clip thingy to reinstall the car seat so it's not so floppy in the back seat. And then to Wal-Mart to buy Advil and Chlortabs to see if that would cure my headache for which I considered also buying an icepick to poke my eyes and relieve the pressure.

I bought myself lunch and headed back in a path to work that I normally don't take. And there was all this water gushing out on the street. (Clue #2)

I got back to an empty parking garage (Clue #3), and I knew. Water main break. Everyone was told to leave (via email, about 10 minutes after I left) and given a website to check and see whether or not to return to work in the morning.

If we were going to be given a half day off (and told to make up the time on our own), at the very least, I wish they would have picked a day where I felt good enough to go home and accomplish something instead of a day where I went home and died on my bed for a few hours hoping to wake up with less pain.

I still don't know what caused the headache, because nothing I took and no amount of water that I drank seemed to help it. I also applied a ton of Bravo's "Flipping Out." And it may not have cured the headache, but it did make me feel better that at least my boss isn't a controlling OCD freakjob who threatens to fire you if you take a planned way in advance vacation or you know, forget the guacamole.



*300th post.

Is there Something in Their DNA?

That makes them wake up at 2 am request to be transferred to your bed, then spend the next 2 hours rolling themselves perilously close to the edge of the bed, while you suffer from the most debilitating of headaches?

I told Clint I wanted to ease into this project, and do some normal stuff first and he scoffed at me. "That's not really the point of the experiment is it?" So I gave in. I think I'm going to start on the left and work my way to the right. I will also list other things that I end up using normally or in the preparation of said item. So I am going to start the experiment this weekend with dun dun duuuun...a chayote. This:

They had billboards for Central Market earlier this year with these guys on it and I'm kind of intrigued by their green old man face with no teeth look.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, because the web gave me all kinds of recipes ranging from cutting it into matchstick like pieces and using it on a salad to boiling it for 45 minutes and then coating it in butter. Maybe I'll do half and half. Anyone ever made anything with one of these things?

Sprinkles

One more family weekend survived.

I cannot make this up

I arrived to work this morning to a new sign above the sink in the kitchenette.



You know how signs are created about things they don't want you to do because someone did it?



Like, there's no reason for a sign in the bathroom that says, wipe up the counter after yourself if it was never left soaking wet.



So my question is this:


What genius thought it would be a good way to dispose of a paper clip by putting it in the sink?

Supermarket Sweep

I am a special brand of planning crazy. So try to remember that as I outline what I'm about to do here.

Just to be clear on what I'm doing here, when I said I wanted to try everything in the produce department, I didn't mean the prepackaged salad stuff or the tofu cheese that they happen to store there, I mean the vegetables and fruits.

I'm also not necessarily going to buy everything from Kroger, but I'm going to use Kroger as my basis. So if I buy bananas at HEB, they still count. If I was really brave, I might move on to HEB or Central Market when this is done, but as a jumping off point, I'm sticking to Kroger.

I have a list of culinary vegetables and fruits from the internet. I know that Kroger does not carry all of them, and I know that there are at least 4 different kinds of apples, and several kinds of pears, which are not well outlined on that list. But it's a starting point. I'm going to take that list to Kroger and check off what they have and add anything they don't have.

Then I'm going to find out the season for each thing, because I've been told a) produce is better tasting when bought in season, and b) it's cheaper. And also, some stuff just plain isn't there if it's not in season.

Then I'm going to start compiling recipes. I'm going to mark off the things I try as I try them, and put the recipe and review of it on the blog (and in a binder at home.) I'm going to need your help with this later on, once I have a list, because I know right off the bat that I have no idea how to cook brussel sprouts - and I'm sure there are more things out there I have no idea how to do. And if I'm going to try new things I need to have the absolute best recipe for them or I will likely never try them again.

What I need now, is a name for my experiment, so I can put a cover on my binder. So bring on your ideas. If I continue this into the cheese department and your name works for both, I will use it. If not, I'll have a new name for the next experiment.

Take some No Doz, you're going to need it

I submitted an online complaint to the SPCA detailing the dog situation. If they do nothing, I'm just going to have to assume that I'm over-reacting. I still feel bad for the dog, but maybe it's because I treat my dogs like children with the exception of day care, and that whole locking them up in a box all day. Ok, maybe not so much like children as dirty smelly house guests. Bottom line, I don't lock them outside all day every day and only talk to them once a week. And while my dogs don't require the grooming that a long haired dog requires, if they did, I would most certainly take care of it, especially in the summer in Texas. Ok, enough. Are you as sick of hearing about that dog as I am of writing about it?

I got my PE certificate in the mail yesterday. Thank you, mail lady, for bending it. I think I can flatten it with a heavy book though, it's not creased or anything. Now I just have to send in the paperwork with my picture and the stamps I had made, so they will be approved. I have my grandfather's PE certificate with a picture of him framed, so I'm thinking of doing something similar, it seems awfully self indulgent, but I also have my diploma framed, so maybe there's no difference. Maybe it's the picture that makes me feel that way. I'm probably over thinking it.

I have developed a plan of attack for my experiment (more on this tomorrow.) Actually, I guess it's a plan of organization. A plan for a plan. I may need some psychiatric help, I'll add it to my to-do list, right after "type packing list for this weekend" and before "start Christmas shopping list for Christmas 08."

I drove my grandmother's car to work today, and learned several pretty good lessons. People do not get out of your way in a Corolla like they do when you're in a full sized truck. The drive through windows at Chick-Fil-A (and probably various other places) are not so much eye level, but more way the heck up there. I am taller than the car I'm driving for the first time in a REALLY long time, it's weirder than I thought it would be. It's coming back to me, but I just hadn't realize exactly how much the size of your vehicle truly determines how you have to drive. Also...it kind of feels like I'm driving a roller skate. But it's going to be totally worth it in gas savings, even just driving it for a few weeks.

Naiveté, lots of it

I guess animal control in my city doesn't really care about neglected dogs. So long as they haven't bitten anyone or gotten out.

On the bright side, her yard did get mowed. A couple more boards fell off the fence. Our dogs discovered the other dog. I had to fix it the best I could with the materials I had, so now that fence portion looks a little bit like we're maybe just getting ready to move a trailer house in. Ugh!

I suppose it may be time to call the SPCA. But part of me thinks that this is just going no where, and I'm going to be fighting her about that dog until he dies. Probably from heat stroke.

***

You know how when you plan your weekends and stuff, you sometimes include a weekend that’s supposed to be your weekend off? One where you actually return to work refreshed instead of more tired than when you left the previous week?

Yeah. This past weekend was supposed to be that weekend for me.

It so wasn’t. My stellar mood didn’t help much either. But someone’s refusal to nap played a huge part in it. I need his naps more than he does, I'm almost positive.

So, everyone should know that for all intents and purposes I will be VERY VERY busy during the month of August. Very busy. Don’t even ask what I’m doing. It’s totally top secret…and busy.

***

Anyway, here's a video of some spin the bottle, watermelon style.

Experimentation

I have an idea. (Or 3) I’m interested to hear your feedback.

You’ve heard of Julie/Julia project? Julie Powell cooked every recipe in Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” book. Every recipe. She did it in a year. She’s much braver than I am, and I refuse to eat sweetbreads. Because…pancreas…eeeeew. Or liver. Because liver = filter and when you eat a filter, you’re eating the stuff that was BAD to begin with, that the body of that animal didn’t even want to digest. And something I heard once but cannot confirm about boiling liver making urine and GAG!

My less noble cause is that I want to try everything in the produce department at my grocery store. I realize that it’s a changing canvas, but I thought if I went through now and wrote everything down that they have now, I could work my way through all of that, then when I finish, I’ll go through again and pick up items that weren’t in season before, lather, rinse, repeat, until I’ve tried everything.

That’s the gist of it. Although some other things to consider:

• I don’t intend to try organic cucumbers and regular cucumbers, just one or the other. Or maybe that’s another experiment – does organic taste better or is it just more expensive?
• I’m not suggesting that I need separate dishes for everything, nor am I suggesting that the item in question would always be the main focus of the dish. I mean, habanero peppers…I could make something with them in it, but a person does not generally ask for a side of habanero peppers.
• I’m not saying that once I eat spinach I won’t eat spinach again until the list is exhausted.
• I don’t know how long a timeline this should be. A year? That gives me all 4 seasons…but what if I miss something? 2 years? No timeline, just until I’m done? However long it takes dedicating at least one or two days a week to depleting the list? Would it depend on the length of the list?

That’s great, Kristine, but what’s the frickin’ point?

• To eat better – I’ll be making stuff from scratch that I might not have normally done.
• To better my cooking skills – I hope.
• To expand my horizons – I’ve never even had Brussel Sprouts.

I thought you had 3 ideas?
Idea 2 – organic vs. regular produce smackdown.
Idea 3 – chronicle the side of beef cooking…except, we’re like half done with that, so I might bring this back up again when/if we buy the pig.

Why are they all cooking ideas?

I don't know.

HAHAHAHAHA, what was Clint's reaction?

Me:So, I was thinking I might want to do an experiment...

Him:What kind of experiment? [Squinty un-trusting look.]

Me:I want to try everything in the produce department.

Him:...[Silent stare]

Me: Well?

Him:...[Silent stare]

Me: Maybe I didn't explain it well. It's not like you would eat a side of habanero peppers or anything, I would make something that has them as an ingredient and that would count as having tasted them.

Him: [Silent stare as he pretends to watch TV and maybe me and my idea will just vanish into thin air]...I don't think I like this experiment.

Me: Why not?

Him:You know I don't like all those vegetables and stuff.

Me: What if prickly pear cactus is your favorite food and you just don't know it because you haven't tried it before?

Him:...[Dirty look]

Unpaid Advertisment Slash Review

So yesterday I was the proud owner of only adult style bandaids (which sadly does not mean there were pictures of naked ladies on them.)

Landon came home from Linda's without a bandaid, and also with no milk for him in the fridge. I sent Clint to the store with these instructions regarding the bandaid situation. "See if you can find the ones like Linda gave him that have the sticky stuff all the way around and have a picture on them."

He came home with this box of awesome:

His choices were Nemo, Little Einsteins, Barbie, and Hannah Montana. He did not know what Little Einsteins were, so Nemo it was. (Online they have some non-trademarked character type ones with pictures of animals and stuff, if you have an such an aversion.)

Can I just say? These bandaids ROCK. He likes them. They're flexible enough that he has it on the palm of his hand and it isn't bothering him. Since they seal all the way around, putting Neosporin on the wound didn't mean that his hand would be greasy. Plus he likes the picture.

I have not tested the "waterproof" claim, but at this point, I don't really care if that's true or not.

On the box it shows several different pictures that are on the bandaids, but when you pull one out, you can't tell who will be on it until you open it. Which in our case is fine, because I don't think he even knows who Nemo is - he just keeps saying "fiss." But it might cause an issue later on when he's all specific and demanding about his bandaids.

They even come in adult style, that is to say - they're clear, again, no naked lady pictures.

Again - this was a totally unpaid review, but if someone at Nexcare wanted to send me a bunch of these bandaids, I would totally take them.

Bullets

• I'm too lazy to construct actual paragraphs today.


• Or too tired still.


• Landon fell yesterday and has a gash on his hand.


• Which he shoves in my face and on to my lips every chance he gets.


• For kisses to make it better.


• The gash required a bandaid.


• He took off the Mater bandaid that Linda had put on him.


• But he did not like the fact that our replacements choices were flesh colored and flesh colored.


• His little nose has a bit of a scrape on the end of it too.


• He's fine.


• It had to happen sooner or later.

I'm so tire...ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am a person who wants to be asleep at 9pm. 10pm at the latest.

On Friday night. 1am.

Saturday night. Midnight.

Last night 1:30am.

I'm going to try and think of a story from this weekend to tell...but my brain cells are all being used right now to keep my eyeballs open.

I sailed a sailboat for the first time in 10 years and for the first time in like 20 since I had wind to actually power it. (see, I re read that and I don't think it's clear...when I sailed 10 years ago there was no wind, and at that point it had been probably 10 years since the last time I had sailed.) Much like riding a bike, I am beginning to remember that skillset. But 20 years is a long time to have not done something.

Luckily however, I had Kelly. Who had sailed last weekend for the first time in 20 or so years and she took most of the girls out on the boat one at a time. And when that was over, she took the adults.

I stayed on shore with the other adult while they sailed off. We talked about how likely a person was to get wet and and I was all "oh, slim to none."

And Kelly was out for quite a long time. we were thinking that they were just going a little longer or a little further that she did with the girls, because she was with an adult.

And then they came back. "How come you didn't come looking for us?" We honestly thought they'd been out a while but not a "they must be in trouble" kind of long. Apparently, once out and sailing. They capsized. And typically on a sailboat capsizing is fine, you hang on the centerboard and upright the boat. but when your boat turns upside down and the centerboard falls out - it a little more work to get it up.

Luckily the next adult was a trooper, she's an elementary school principal, so she kind of has to be. And despite her dislike of being all wet, she took her chances. And came back still very dry.

Not so much slipping or sliding

I tried the slip n slide.

I'm not 7 anymore either.

Thank god there were no pictures.

We got a 2 lane one, I swear they used to be longer and made of thicker plastic. But then I also think they shrunk the elementary school cafeteria, so who am I to say?

*****

The dog is still there. The rain and the fact that the fence is rotten meant that the two boards that were "fixed" fell again. I have called animal control again, as it appears they didn't even go out there. If it's not taken care of by the time I get back on Sunday, I guess I'll call the SPCA. Clearly our city police department is incapable of dealing with anything more than a traffic ticket.
*****

I watched an episode of Baby Borrowers last night (nothing else was on). Um...I'm not sure it's doing what it's supposed to be doing. The concept is to show these teen couples (they're 18-20, so they're not like high schoolers or anything) that they aren't ready to be parents (they claim it's to see whether or not they're ready, but there's an undertone in the editting of "these kids are screwing up big time if they have kids.")


So, throughout the show the parents observe the teen couples with their kids and make all kinds of negative comments about what they're doing, but with the exception of one end-of-episode-talk with the parents, all the comments were positive like "yeah, you did a good job." Um, what happened to all the negative stuff you said behind their backs? Make up your mind.

Wordless Wednesday: Summer Edition

More Wordless Wednesdays here.

Monthly Newsletters: Special Dog Editions #48 and #60

Dear Scarlett,

We did not get you until the weekend of Labor day the year you were born, but your birthday is today and you turn 5 years old. You were supposed to be a Cocker Spaniel. In fact we had gone back to Canton to buy a certain Cocker Spaniel, but when we got there, your dad convinced me to look and see if any Boxers were around.

And there you were. At the bottom of the puppy pile, and you've been pretty submissive to other dogs ever since.

Right off the bat you sat in an ant bed to pee, you had demodex, and I was kind of over reactive, so your vet bills were astronomical. You are still our most expensive pet and despite the fact that you think you are a person and are apparently going through some kind of teenage angst and not minding. I would not trade you for anything.

You have your own OCD issues, you are stuck in a room if a broom stick is laying across the threshold, you prefer it if we don't move anything around.

You have tremendous patience for Landon, and nothing in this world could have predicted how much you would love him. But you do, and that alone is worth all the vet bills I have ever paid.

Love,

Mom

*******************************

Dear Fiona,

You were supposed to be a TV. There was a sign on an electric pole on our way out of the neighborhood about boxers. We didn't find what we wanted in a TV, so when we got back to the neighborhood, I called about the boxers. You were born on July 5th, but we didn't get you until early October.

There were 3 left when we got there, but one was spoken for. Clinton chose you of the two remaining. We didn't have a crate for you, so we asked them to keep you a couple more days, so we could get the supplies needed to bring you home. When we got home that evening, Scarlett went crazy. She smelled you on us, and she started looking everywhere for you. And that's how we knew we had to go back and get you.

You actually made life a little easier for us. I thought 2 dogs would be harder than one, but it turns out you wore Scarlett out with all your energy, and that meant we had less crazy to deal with. Back then we joked that we had a dog and our dog had a dog. Now we joke that one of you (Scarlett) thinks she's a person, but that you know you're a dog.

When you came home, you had never been on grass before. And while playing on it was fine with you, you had been used to doing your business on newspapers on the floor. So in addition to normal house breaking, it took us a while to get you to do your business on the grass instead of on the concrete.

You also love Landon, but you have a far lower threshold in the tolerance department for him, so when he annoys you, you retreat. We truly appreciate that, even if you never seem to get recognized for it.

Love,

Mom

****************

UPDATE ON NEIGHBOR DOG:

I got home last night to a notice on my front door. Animal Control had been by, but the officer they sent only had our address, and since he didn't see any issues, he left a note to call him. I talked to him last night and he will come check on the dog this morning. I spoke with the neighbor on the other side of this woman, and she will be home tomorrow and is going to come out and speak to the police when they get there. She and her husband are hopeful that they will take the dog. They said they have seen the woman there more often that I have, but that what she does is come around at midnight with a 20 lb bag of dog food and dumps it in a bowl and fills a bucket of water for the dog for the week. I guess we'll see.

Why you may want to reconsider buying a house next to me

I will not hesitate to call the cops on you.


On Wednesday evening when Clinton and I got home from Lowe's, he went into the backyard and discovered our neighbor's dog had knocked a board down in the fence and was in our backyard.


I'm no dog breedist, ok. Have a pit bull or Rottweiler or Doberman if you want, but treat it with respect, socialize it with other people and other dogs, or you're going to have an angry dog. And angry dogs are like live grenades, you just never know when something is going to spiral out of control.


So this dog is a chow. A chow who as far as we know, and this is also the consensus of the neighborhood, is only visited by humans once a month or so. Seriously. I see our neighbor's car at her house once every 4 weeks. She does whatever it is she does and sometimes spends one night there, but then returns to where ever the hell she came from.


During the school year, I see her daughter dropping her son off and waiting for the bus, but they never go to the backyard. That poor dog has only seen a human about once a month. Which means, he's scared to death of people and that he doesn't know any other way to react than to growl and protest.


I confess, I knew about the dog. I knew the dog was in the backyard. But I was under the assumption that...I dunno, someone looked at it every once in a while or something. At a minimum I thought, maybe she had an automatic feeder (which still may be the case). Basically, I assumed that a person with a medical degree was on top of her own pet situation. I thought for sure she had enough brain cells to get that far in life, that she must have enough to know to care for her dog.


When Clinton asked me to contain Landon so that I could help him corral the dog, I went into the backyard with the intentions of seeing a fairly healthy dog, corralling him back into his own yard and going about my business.


That did not happen. While that dog may or may not be malnourished, he is certainly not well cared for.


That dog had huge mats of fur hanging off of it. As I stated earlier, the dog is a chow, he's pretty fluffy, so there's no telling if he's malnourished. But I know this in the very depth of my soul. That dog is wearing so much extra fur in 100° weather, I'm surprised he hasn't died of heat stroke. That's how matted he is. We are not talking about your average fully furred up chow. We're talking about a dog with twice to 3 times as much hair as he should have. In knots. Pulling at his normal hair.


When I saw the condition of that dog, my first reaction was "dammit, I do not want to have to be the person that deals with this." If it were an episode of "Animal Cops: Houston." I'd be the one they're talking about when they show up and say "We got a call..."


So I called animal control. And I waited about 30 minutes and no one showed up. So I called again and specifically asked that they send someone. And while it wasn't the 12 year old I got last time, this one wasn't much older. Unfortunately, by the time he arrived, since the dog had already retreated to his own yard, there was nothing he could do legally.


He "fixed" the fence. And yes those are intentional quotes - we aren't going to be able to fix the fence without going in her yard, and we can't get into her yard until that dog is gone or contained. And said that based on my description of the situation and the dog, that he would definitely have animal control send someone out in the morning to look at the dog.

We left town the next evening, so I have no idea what happened while we were gone. I have not heard the dog, but I also have not ventured over to her driveway to see if it’s still there. I’d like to pretend they came and got him.

Also this weekend, I was wandering around the outside of the house during the fireworks war zone. And I came across an old, female chocolate lab. No collar. Scared shitless. Do people not realize that there's a reason they tell you to bring your dogs inside during fireworks? They get spooked and take off! We tried to find her owners, but were not successful. We gave her some water and in the morning she was gone. Hopefully when things settled down she was able to find her way back home.

(Lighter topics to come this week. I promise)

Monthly Newsletter #21

Dear Landon,

This month had been quite the challenge with you. Although you are beginning to say more words with some regularity; “eyes,” “bee bah” (big ball), “bese bah” (base ball), "auf bah" (golf ball), “cah cah” (car car), “dee yoo” (see you) and “seet”(sit.) Communication clearly is still not your strong suit. We have continued working on the difference between yes and no. You are saying “No!” Which would be fine if you meant “No.” But you say it in response to everything – it’s your go to answer. You even go so far as to shake your head side to side. And sometimes, you mean “Yes.” We can’t read your mind, so we generally figure it out by either the excited gleam in your eye or when we take the thing we offered back, because you said “no,” and you throw a fit because you meant “yes.”






Your curiosity is beginning to get the best of you. We are slowly but surely finding all of the hidden niches in the house that we have not yet baby proofed. You are putting your playground skills to work, climbing up on chairs and stools to reach things that previously had gone unnoticed. And silence which used to be golden is now a warning sign.

The first few times you were busted you surrendered the contraband and that was that. I took my bottle of foundation, wiped what I could out of your eyebrows and off the floor, and we went on our merry way. But your latest trick is to ditch the incriminating evidence, a la tossing a baggie of weed out the window in a police chase. And it wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t pick things that break to toss. And while part of me realizes that maybe it was time to buy new blush anyway, I don’t wear make-up that often, and it’s hard to justify an expense on something I wear maybe once a month.

You are still hesitant in social situations. Last weekend at Carter’s there were two little girls playing at the Lego table. You moaned and groaned that you needed to be allowed out of the stroller. You had no shoes on because we forgot them at the house and we hadn’t been letting you run around shoeless in other stores, but figured at Carter’s it would probably be fine.

Once released, you took off for the Lego area, but then froze solid 5 feet back and observed the two little girls playing. You spotted a stray Lego and the wheels in your little head began to turn. That Lego was going to be your key. Your golden ticket into the play area. You picked it up and shoved it in the face of the girl nearest you. She did not know what to think about the little guy holding the Lego a half inch from her nose, and she sat still, like it was some kind of a hold up. Finally her mom said “he’s trying to give it to you.” She took the Lego and you backed into your 5 foot back position. Smiling. Proud. And it was definitely progress in the shyness department.

Eventually the other little girl left and you sat in her chair, there was some minor issue over the table – I think the original girl pulled it closer to her and her mom made her push it back so you could both reach. I tried to stay out of it, because honestly, I’m just as weird about strangers as you are, but also I think I need to allow you to carve your own path and I don’t want to be a helicopter parent. Her mom probably knew to keep an eye on her daughter for that kind of stuff anyway.

Your OCD tendencies are still alive and kickin’. I cleaned out your portion of my closet this month and when I put all your ill-fitting clothes in a plastic bin to be taken upstairs, I had 15,649 empty hangers left over. I knew you had a few items still in the washer that would need to be hung, so I hung some empty hangers along with the current clothes and put the rest up. You followed me into the closet and took all the empty hangers and put them with the old clothes. Clearly – I had not realized that the old clothes and those hangers belong together. What was I thinking?

Miss Linda says you love baby Jonah so much. You stop what you’re doing about every 30 minutes or so and go over to him and rock him in his carrier and give him a big smooch. She says you are super gentle with him and so sweet.

I think my “work-on this” item for the last 3 months has been about communicating better, and while I’d like to move on and ask for something else. Seriously – the communication thing is going to help our daily lives in ways you never even imagined.

Love,

Mama

It used to be a drinking problem

OR LOOK AT ME, I'M A SLOB

OR WHY SOME PEOPLE SHOULD GET OVER THEMSELVES AND JUST WEAR BIBS

So yesterday I was wearing clothes at work (yeah, I know, novel idea) as usual. And I dropped my lunch down my front (which, now that I think about is also...as usual). Because what better way to present yourself than to have a giant grease stain on the front of your shirt right between your boobs?

And it couldn't have happened on a better day (when is someone going to invent sarcast-a-font?), because I had no time to go home before going out to dinner with 4 other girls.

I managed to get to the restaurant area about 20 minutes early, so I went into Target to buy another shirt.

And less than 2 minutes into eating the free appetizer (sign up now! give us your email address! we'll annoy you forever, but we'll give you this free $6 appetizer!) I had cheese on my new shirt.

I used to have a back-up shirt in the diaper bag for when Landon puked on me, and when he got over that phase, I thought I was free and clear. But this morning I decided to put a back-up shirt in my truck for my own personal emergencies. And when I got in my truck to leave I noticed a very similar stain on my shirt to the one from yesterday, so I'm already wearing my back-up shirt.

Deception

At first glance, this picture looks pretty innocent. (I could have cropped tighter and gotten rid of the dog ear and some more of the background, but I'm no professional photographer.) Of course you all know I crop my pictures.



I mean, who really wants to see the crap on our bookshelves that never seems to make it to the proper place.


But the real deception of this one...


is that if Landon turns out to be a drag queen? We'll know it was probably started when I left these shoes out.