Google Brought You Here

But I don’t think I was what you were looking for.

99% of the searches that bring people to my blog are for some form of “Make Tomato Soup from Scratch” Which sends people to a post I made because I had nothing else to talk about at the time. Also, I don’t even post a recipe, I link to a recipe.

But lately, I’ve been getting a lot more. Much more odd searches.

“weekly menus” – Well I did the one post about it, but I’m not about to start posting what we eat every week. Because no one cares what you had for dinner. (No, clearly, they care about how other people find your blog, silly.)

“10th year reunion themes” – Please don’t use the one from mine. Disappointment is probably the worst theme ever.

“eat dry toast bet seconds party” – what? Are you looking for some kind of toast eating party game where people bet how long it takes to eat a piece of dry toast? Good luck with that.

“dq business plan” – 1. Contact DQ. 2. Give them a bunch of money to buy a franchise. 3. Sell lots of Blizzards. 4. Make lots of money.

“wood gumball plan” – Wooden gumballs hardly ever turn out the way you’d hope. They get all splintery when you try to chew them, the flavor isn’t that great, teeth get broken, then they just taste like blood. You get maple I suppose, maybe that would be a good flavor. I think maybe stick with the high fructose corn syrup gumballs and you’ll be better off.

“become thief” – If you’re going around searching the internet for how to become a thief, you probably don’t have it in you.

I took this picture because it looks crappy outside, but in the picture it doesn't look crappy as crappy as it does in person. And for a person who LIKES rain to say it looks crappy, it's crappy. I mean, if you're going to rain, rain already, stop screwing around with the drizzle, you're just going to cause accidents on my drive home.

Oh wait, now it's going to rain.

Did you know I have been teasing you with medium sized pictures and all along I could have been posting these, large pictures? And instead of giving you one of the kid you truly care about I gave you your first large picture...of my office window on a rainy day. You're welcome.

Hey, how apparent is it that I didn't quite get enough sleep last night? Just checking to see if you caught all the bitter awakeness I'm currently experiencing.

And since I'm on a vent here, on Saturday, we went to Phoenicia, which is like a Mediterranean grocery store. I went in by myself while Clint and Landon stayed in the car, because we were only getting pita bread and a coke. Anyway, in front of me in line is a middle aged man (45? 50?) wearing a T-shirt that said "I'll try to be nicer if you try to be less stupid." I found it an odd choice, considering he was with his 3 children and his wife who was in a full conservative head scarf. But the bad part was the guy behind me who was litterally yelling into my ear and probably also his cell phone about how he was near Phoenicia (he said near, not in, I'm pretty sure we were IN the store) and also chicken, but not a meal, just a snack, to his daugher(?) and then his wife. The he asked for directions but couldn't shut up long enough for them to give them to him, so he decided he's just find it on his own, he's been there before so he'll probably remember it, maybe. He was so close to me, the checker thought we were together.

Then we went to Half Price Books. And found out all about this old guy's dialysis and how it makes him feel really sick and he just wants to die, so he skipped it, he'll go again when he feels better. "Oh, you need to go?" "BLAH BLAH BLAH 50 decibels BLAH BLAH BLAH, Go Bro!" "No, Go BRO" (I especially liked that he was a 60(?) year old white guy calling his brother "bro.") Hey - he can't just hang up on you, clearly you have health issues and how would he feel if the last time you two spoke he hung up on you! Plus, no one needs to know those kind of intimate details about your life, make those calls from home.

Oh and one more bitter pill, since I'm on that side of the spectrum right now and this post is already all over the place (should I start writing using outlines or something? Is that how other people manage to bring their posts full circle?). (Can someone teach me about punctuation? Because "?)." is clearly not the right way for that sentence to end, but Word doesn't seem to have a grammatical problem with it.) (Last parenthesis, I promise.) I cannot get anyone to confirm my interpretation of the new TREC rules. They miss this part of the first sentence EVERY TIME "other than actively practicing licensed or registered architects, professional engineers, or engineer-in-trainings" They skip right on to tell me what I need to do if I don't have my EIT.

Tomorrow I will attempt to be less...crappy.