My yard is full of penises

Did you know that some trees are male and some are female?

It's not true of all trees, because some contain both girly and boy parts. But those are boring. The two I can think of off the top of my head are banana trees and sago palms.

We have sago palms in our yard.

We have a lot of them. When they reach puberty, they grow their sex organs and let them all hang out in the open. We have three females, that look like this:

The seeds are in the "flower" - which is that ball on top.

The boys look like this:

Sometimes the boys get to a certain height and split. We like to refer to them as twins.

And then this happened:

On a tree that last year contained a single male cone. There are 12 cone points (at least). Duodecaplets.

And not just regular duodecaplets.

At least 8 of them are melded together. Siamese duodecaplets.

I don't even want to think about the trimming we will have to do when 12 sets of leaves try to emerge from this poor guy after the cones fall off.

Wonder Killer, Day Light Saving Time

I heard at my Girl Scout leaders' meeting that Day Light Saving Time started this weekend. And I had no idea. I mean Spring Forward, Fall Back and all that, but I didn’t know it was THIS weekend.

As is turns out, G. W. Bush signed into law the Energy Policy Act of 2005. Which, among other things, says that starting in 2007, DST will begin on the 2nd Sunday in March and ends the 1st Sunday in November. Until the Department of Energy study is complete, then they’ll decided whether to change it again.

So that means that this Sunday, everyone has to stay up all night and at precisely 1:59 am on March 9, they need to set their clocks forward to 3:00 am. (Or you can do it before you go to bed like any normal person. Or later on Sunday when you realize you’re an hour late for everything.)

Some interesting facts:

• Why 2:00 am? – It’s supposed to minimize disruption. Something about trains.
• What about restaurants and bars and alcohol? Do they get to serve for an extra hour in the fall? Technically – they’re not supposed to. But some do.
• Who in America gave the old DST the finger and said no way? Hawaii, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, the Commonwealth of Northern Mariana Islands, and Arizona. I’m sure I left a few out.
• Oh and most people say “Daylight Savings Time.” “Savings” should actually be “saving.”
  

More Info Here.
And Here.

Loose Ends

****This post has been edited to remove some of its original content****

Remember our leak?

We got our income tax return and we got it fixed!

We now have only 487 more projects on our list of things we intend to one day maybe get around to, if we happen to have enough money to do it list. Friday I meet with a sprinkler guy and a fence guy, and then on the 8th I meet with the brick mailbox guy. We are well on our way to 484. Yea! (I know that there will be 5 million more items added before then, but let me dare to dream.)

Also - Chaos? Is a teen club. The spray paint sign has been replaced with this - uh, I can't get a picture, so this is a representation of the vinyl sign:
And since I posted about the side of beef, I've gotten a lot more searches about what's in a side. So here's our list:

Ground Beef - 49 (+22 given away)
T-Bone - 32
Round Steak - 28
Cutlets - 35
Sirloin - 10
Chuck Roast - 4
Short ribs - 10
Beef Ribs - 1
Flank - 1
Fajita - 1

Ground beef is in 2 lb packages. All our steaks are cut at 3/4 inch. The round is half a round and it's cut at 1/2 inch and run through the tenderizer (think chicken fried steak). Cutlets are part of some other roast - they're set up to be like chicken fried steak as well and packaged in sets of 2. Chuck Roasts are between 4 and 5 lbs, short ribs are in 2 lb packages.

Here's the thing though. 32 T-bones? Doubtful. Very doubtful. No ribeyes? Weird how about half our T-bones are the size and shape of ribeyes. Yeah, they're mislabeled - so we estimate that actually it's 16 of each. It should also be noted, that I had them turn a bazillion pounds of what could have been roasts into gound beef. I just don't have a hankering for roast more than about 4 times a year. And that sirloin number? 1 sirloin is actually like 4 sirloins. I can't find a picture and unwrapping meat to just take a pictures seems dumb - what with the invitation for freezer burn. But you know when you order something and it says top sirloin. Well apparently there's like 2 or 3 other sirloin parts. And 1 of ours contains all of those parts. Seriously - we cooked 1 sirloin and it would have fed 4 adults. We opted not to get the whole brisket, because the butcher said it's better to buy a brisket on it's own where you can inspect it individually, so we got the flank and fajita and the rest went to ground beef.

Anyway - see how full our freezer still is?
Please ignore the bacon, our cow did not come with that bacon, lest you be upset when you buy your side of beef and it does not come with bacon.

And we've already taken out a chuck roast, 12 or 13 pkgs of ground beef (we have given a few more away), 1 sirloin, 4 ribeyes, 2 T-bones, 5 or so sets of cutlets, and 1 round steak. That's from memory, it's probably not accurate.




Notes for next year:

1. T-bones should be separated into filet mignon and NY strip. They are seriously huge, and separating them will be better for cooking as well.


2. Steaks (ribeyes, filet mignon, and NY strip) can probably be wrapped as pairs instead of singles.


3. Sirloins, maybe we need half in each package (to feed 2, instead of 4).



4. We need more coolers for the pick up day and we need to be in the truck or without extra people.



5. We need a partner in purchase. I tried to get into the logistics of it, but it turned into a big math word problem. And while I have a great affinity for them, I suspect I am among the few and far between. But the bottom lines is that we want to buy a hog in about 6 months and we just don't have the freezer room for both animals to overlap.


I did finally register to take the PE exam, the price went up this year, but I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I am on track with my study plan, and I actually feel a little bit better about it this time than I did the first 2 times. I have changed my approach, and despite my other blog being the most boringest blog ever, it is helping me stay on task and study what I said I would when I said I would.


ANNNNNNND finally - TREC and I are at peace now, I am just waiting for my new education evaluation letter, and then I can apply. However, since I only have 6 months to take the test once my application is accepted, I am going to wait until just after my PE exam to turn it in, that way I can begin studying for that test after the PE and hopefully be ready to take it by the time they process my application.

Wonder Killer (Organics)

Now, listen, this is not a REAL synopsis of how organics are grown. It's my own personal approach. I have linked to some sites that have real information. Feel free to click on those if you want real information.

My (limited) research tells me that this whole organic movement is due 97% to people who are deathly afraid of pesticides, preservatives, and hormones. The other 3% are just followers.

So let’s throw out some quick facts – Organic produce is harder to grow because the farmer has to be out in the field with it to swat the bugs with his hand instead of relying on a chemical to keep them away. Because it’s harder to grow, because it’s more labor intensive – what with all the hand swatting – it’s more expensive.

There is limited evidence to suggest that some behavioral problems – such as ADD and ADHD may be intensified by certain preservatives. Note that I did not say that the preservatives CAUSED the problem, just that it intensified it. Much like sugar or caffeine or crack might.

There is no evidence to suggest that hormones given to animals during their lifetime will be passed on to humans who consume them.

The organic side of the argument is very strongly opinionated, and the non-organic side is all “well, if it were cheaper, I’d buy organic, I’m not against organic.” There is limited evidence to suggest that people who buy organic eat less vegetables and fruits because they are more expensive and if that’s the choice, you’re better off buying non-organic produce and eating more of it.

In my unscientific opinion, if I am murdered (unsolved) and buried and they have to dig me up 15 years later, all the preservatives and pesticides will keep me in better shape forensically to solve my murder. You’re welcome future Cold Case people.

Wonder Killer Strikes Again (Veggie Drawer Humidity Control)

Do you have humidity controls on your vegetable drawer in you refrigerator?

I have never touched them, because I didn’t really know what they should be. I WONDER what those controls should be set on?

So I did a little research. Kenmore says leafy vegetables and vegetables without skins should be kept on high humidity. And Fruits and vegetables with skins should be kept at low humidity.

Easy. Except, that’s never good enough for an inquiring mind, and I require at least 2 sources to tell me the same thing. So I kept looking.

Bosch says that meat and fish should be kept on low and fruits and veggies should be kept on high.

Uh…you companies are like contradicting each other. That’s not a good deal for the wonder killer.

Ohio State University says veggies on high (98%) and fruits slightly lower (90-95%).

So high and low is relative. Got it.

Which means, your fridge? Its controls are also relative. And unless you can locate the owner manual or look it up on a web-site – you might just have to experiment.

***This post was written in January, but not posted. Sorry for the lack of informative links. I don't have much time today.

Wonder Killer strikes again, Fighting

Did you know that 83% of arguments are actually the result of miscommunication? (And that 100% of the statistics on this post are completely fabricated?)

How many times have you gotten into an argument and found out at the end of it all, that you both were nearly on the same side all along? Or been in one where one side or the other (OR BOTH) took something the "wrong way" and then it spiraled out of control.

Communicating clearly is probably the easiest way to avoid arguments. But even when you think you are communicating clearly, you may not be.

Something, oddly enough, that I learned in my inspection classes. Did you know that when 2 people are talking there are 6 sides to the conversation? It only gets more confused after another person joins in – it doubles – 3 people talking 12 sides. 4 people talking? 20 sides. (Note to self, only ever talk to one person at a time.) For you math junkies:
n=number of people in conversation
n*(n+1)=number of sides to the conversation



No wonder people have such a hard time communicating. Let’s break it down in the simplest form: 2 people are talking. (You and Me)



6 sides:

1) What I said

2) What I think I said

3) What You think I said

4) What You said

5) What I think You said

6) What You think You Said



In some cases 1, 2, & 3 are the same, and 4, 5, & 6 are the same. Sometimes. Probably not as often as you’d think.



Take a simple actual conversation like this:

Billy Joe - “Sure is cold out today.”

Bobbie Sue - “The weather man said it would warm up later on.”



Sounds reasonable, let’s work through it though:

1) Billy Joe said “Sure is cold out today.”

2) Billy Joe thinks he said “I’m really cold, I had to put on an extra layer of clothes”

3) Bobbie Sue thinks BillyJoe said “Why aren’t you wearing your jacket, you moron?”

4) Bobbie Sue said “The weather man said it would warm up later on.”

5) Billy Joe thinks Bobbie Sue said “I’m not a sissy like you, so I don’t need extra clothes.”

6) Bobbie Sue thinks she said “I’m not wearing a jacket, because I didn’t want to be hot later.”



It’s probably not that charged a conversation in real life, but it’s possible. And it’s just an example, get off my back people. (See what I did there? And you’re not even actually saying anything, but I’m thinking you said something and I responded to what I thought you said and you probably didn’t mean it that way.)

That's probably why therapists say things like "What I hear you saying is _______." It gives the other side a chance to clarify. It might be worth putting into practice, when someone says something to you and you think they're attacking you, just repeating back to them what you heard, to make sure you got it right. Once you know what they mean, you can rear back and ball your fist only when necessary, and retreat if they didn't mean it like that.



Anyway, it’s just a small nugget of information that has helped me avoid some conflicts (note I said some, not all) since I learned it, maybe it can do the same for you.

Wonder Killer, First Edition, Side of Beef

I cannot take credit for the “Wonder Killer” name [the link wasn’t working when I linked it – I think her archives are screwy, so um…maybe it will work one day]. It came from pamie. Pamie is an author from Katy. I’ve read 1 ½ of her books. She is currently striking, but was a writer for Samantha Who?

That aside, you should know the gist of wonder killing. People cannot wonder around me. At least not outloud. If you ask a question, you should expect an answer. I just can’t fathom the idea that you might want to sit around and enjoy the mystique surrounding something that it so easily answered. I generally will not rest until you have your answer. So I am a killer of wonder. Go ahead, wonder something. I will kill it.

**********************************************************************************

So, were you wondering about buying a side of beef?

Me too! My carcass of beef buying:

1. Lets start with the grade.

Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility, Cutter, and Canner are all grades of beef.

Prime is generally what restaurants serve, although it is available in some grocery stores, it’s not available in all of them and they will only have a limited supply. They will also take your first born child in exchange for any steak you buy that is in this grade. It has the most fat-marbling, and therefore the most taste. (I’m talking about steaks here, not ground beef.) This is meat that can be eaten with salt and pepper and that’s it. It’s that good and that tender. I haven’t found a butcher who sells it retail yet.

Choice and select are what most grocery store butchers have in their cases what you have to ask for them to cut for you. They may have a few piece pre cut and wrapped, but not many. Choice is a step down from prime in the fat marbling and select is a step down from that. Select tends to be very lean and as such are pretty tough pieces of meats. Most people prefer this because they are concerned with the fat content, but a person who is after taste, will want something with a little more fat in it, like choice or prime. Choice cuts of meat can do the salt and pepper thing too, but the price will not be your first born, but your second born. Select cuts may require some marinade to help break down the tissue in order to have the tenderness that a good steak should have, they might actually just want money for these.

Standard and commercial are going to be the meats that are out on the aisle in the grocery store, they are often sold as “ungraded” or “brand name.” These steaks are often very lean and almost absolutely require marinade. Don’t be skimpy.

Utility, cutter and canner are seldom sold directly to the public and are most often what is used for hot dogs and bologna. And dog food.

So your grade decision is based one several things. 1) What your butcher carries. 2) How you feel about taste vs. nutritional fat content.

2. Grassfed vs.Grainfed.

Most meat you buy at the grocery store is grainfed, unless it says otherwise.

Grassfed beef has some health benefits. It’s lower in saturated fats, it’s higher in beta carotene, and it contains Omega 3 fatty acids (yes, the fish ones). Sources say it also has a slightly gamier taste to it, (mmm…tastes like Monopoly!) it cooks faster because it is lower in fat, and it’s very easy to over cook it because of that. People who like it swear by it and say all kinds of nasty things about hormones and antibiotics and feedlots about the grainfed beef.

Grainfed beef has the flavor we have all come to know (and love). Depending on where you buy, “grainfed” cows may be pastured up until a few weeks before slaughter, they are then taken in and penned up and fed only grain, to fatten them up for slaughter (up those carbs, to up the fats)– sometimes these are called grain finished, that’s not to say that ALL grainfed cattle are treated this way – some are for sure treated far worse, and I’m sure some are treated better. Grainfed beef is juicer and more tender because it is higher in fat.

So the decision on grainfed vs. grassfed is going to be how you feel about fat, and how the cow was treated.


This was not all we learned. Different names of cuts of meat, what they’re good for, I didn’t veer much into the organic stuff, but that’s another hot button topic. Clearly I do not have the space to go into organic methodology or cuts of meat in this segment. Do you need a “Know your cuts of meat” primer?

I will tell you this, despite some of my hippie ways, we landed on Grainfed, Choice.

More info here: Ask the Meat Man
And here: USDA

Got any wonders you want killed? Email me or leave me a comment.