Monday, March 08, 2010

A Weak Start

You know what I think the best way to start a week is?

You should have a small child puke in your bed. And I bet you’re thinking it’s because it can’t get any worse than that. But it’s not. Because it can.

What is more fun than waking up at 3 am to change the sheets and frantically load the washing machine because you have contractors showing up any minute and they’re working on the pipes, so you don’t know if you’ll have water today or not, is while talking to the guy whose is going to repipe your house, you hear from your bedroom “MOMMMMMMMY!!! I FROWED UP AGAIN!!”

But as you get in there he takes aim at all pieces of bed coverings that he missed on the first two rounds. And you’d think that was as bad as it could get. But you lead your small child into the bathroom, you tell him that if he has to puke again he needs to do it in the toilet. And he says “No, I want a towel.” So you give him a towel and try to quickly finish up with the explaining to the guy all the things he needs to know about where to find stuff in the house, etc. And you return to the bathroom to find…

A child squatting beside a stool with a towel on it with a small puddle of puke. AND a puddle under his bottom, where he pooped diarrhea through his underwear. [At this point I have to highly recommend the machine washable bathroom rugs.]

You manage to convince him to sit on the toilet for the next few minutes while you clean things up, meanwhile a toxic smell coats the inside of your bathroom and not even the fart fan can clear it out.

When you leave for work and leave the contractors in the house, you feel bad for the smell that will knock them on their butts when they enter your bathroom, but there’s really not much you can do about it.

Bonus points if you have arranged to drive 20 minutes in the wrong direction to hand him over to your mother. [Thank you mom, sorry to have woken you up this morning to tell you that you have a day ahead with a sick kid.] Only to take what should be a 45 minute trip to work from that point and turn it into an hour and a half because…OMG there are small drops of water falling on my car. IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

Ultra bonus points if you arrive at work 4 minutes after a meeting you are essentially chairing has started. A meeting you are unprepared for because you thought you'd have at least 2 hours to get your stuff together before the meeting, and you also thought you'd have last Friday to prepare, but you didn't because of the same puking kid.

I know better than to say that things can only get better.


kbreints said...

Oh Fuck. This is when you call a do-over. Seriously? I am so Sorry!

yellowsnapper said...

My Lord! You win! You win for worst morning ever! I bow down before thee.

Mama said...

oh man! I hope it gets better from there...

bernthis said...

yeah, that's the kind of day you just want it to rush through, go to bed and start the hell over.