Grandma Attractor 3000

Do you find yourself needing a Grandma to talk to, not necessarily yours, or your child’s, but an extra Grandma? Do you often walk the aisles at your local box store thinking… “if only someone a little older, female, and possibly with gray hair would talk to me, I would be happy?”

Worry no more. Have I got the solution for you!!

A tidy package, weighing in at under 20 lbs, what you need is the Grandma Attractor 3000.

Features include:
Attracting most Grandmothers within a 20 foot radius, or within eyesight.
Emitting a delicious aroma, which lures Grandmas, even on different aisles.
Heart melting smiles and giggles.

Conversations include, but are not limited to:
Age – “When my son was….” Or “My Grandson is that age.”
Model details – “What is his name?” “Oh, what a lovely name!”
Size – “Oh, he’s so big!”
Demeanor – “What a sweet little boy!” “He’s so alert!”
Appearance – “What a fine-looking young lad!”
Milestones – “Is he [XYZ]ing yet?”

You’ll hear these gems over and over again:
“What a cutie!”
“I have to tell you, that your [Grandma Attractor 3000] is beautiful.”
“Oh, how precious!”

All this can be yours, for the low low price, of every last cent of your “extra” income from here to eternity – or at least for the next 18 years.


Accessories sold separately, owner’s manual not included, not responsible for tardiness due to having to stop and actually hold conversations with said Grandmas, void where prohibited, 18 years is a low estimate for pricing. Grandma allure may wear off during certain times of development, and most certainly will not be as cute at home as when out in public. Grandma Attractor 3000 has also been known to attract others who own their own Grandma Attractor, and lead to conversations as well. Ask your doctor if the Grandma Attractor 3000 is right for you.