Monthly Newsletter #60

Dear Landon,

I like 5. 4 was okay – but if the past couple of days (why yes, this newsletter is a few days late, did you expect anything else?) is any indication of what 5 is like. I totally like 5. 5 seems to be reasonable and cooperative – and I also fully recognize I am probably shooting myself in the foot right now by putting it out there in the universe, but I just want to brag a bit.

Lots of fun stuff happened this month, you spent some time on a deer lease with Daddy, feeding the deer. You are excited about the idea of shooting a pig (not sure you’ll actually be able to achieve that with your bow, but I’m not going to be the one to crush your dream.)

We went to my company weekend. There had been some major wildfires in the area and it was awfully smoky one morning, but we had a blast at the waterpark. The giant checkers in the courtyard were a big hit and I had packed some board games in case it was too smoky to go outside, and you loved hanging out in the room playing those too.

During the evening event for the grown-ups, you got to go to a pirate themed party. They had a show and all kinds of arts and crafts for you to do. Unfortunately, for the second year in a row, whoever was in charge of you allowed someone else to take your stuff home. On one hand I didn’t end up with a bunch of stuff I was going to end up throwing away, but I was told you worked really hard on your pirate hat, and I’m pretty upset I didn’t even get to see it.

I took a trip to Alaska for an extended weekend, so you got an extended weekend with your Daddy. You also visited your grandparents on that weekend and from what I hear had a great time!

You have landed on being Yoda for Halloween this year. So we went shopping for a costume. After we gathered the right stuff, found a light saber and everything you said “Umm, I’m thinking I might need a gun.” I explained that Yoda doesn’t have a gun, because he doesn’t need a gun, he has the force. I got the nod from the Halloween store guy agreeing with me and you accepted it as fact.

Your birthday party was a hit this year. We had a pirate theme. I filled a kiddie pool with sand and hid little toys in there for a treasure hunt, and you and all your friends swam. The weather couldn’t have been better for a swim party and you had a blast! You had a pirate ship cake – which was awesome. Aunt Kathleen always makes the coolest cakes for you!

For your actual birthday, I told you we could eat anywhere you wanted. I was hoping you’d choose the Mexican restaurant with the playground, so you could play and I could have a margarita…no such luck – you chose Chick-Fil-A. Which is fine, you still played and it was spirit night for a local elementary school so there were plenty of extra kids to play with. All in all you were very happy with your 5^th birthday.

I honestly have nothing for you to work on this month. I love you, and I hope you continue in your sweet ways.

Love,

Mommy

Monthly Newsletter #59

Dear Landon,

It’s about this time of year, each year that begin contemplating not writing these anymore. As you get older you’ll remember stuff on your own and you won’t need a conglomeration of letters that I haphazardly wrote each month around the 3rd as a record. But then I wonder if you’d be upset purely by change, as you are not generally a fan of change – unless it’s your idea, then it’s okay.

I give you exhibit a: I picked you up from your Daddy’s today after a 3 day weekend with him. You walked in the house, gasped and said “Really? Mommy, really?” As you pointed at…the upholstery on the breakfast room chairs. I had changed it over the weekend (after you got over the unauthorized change you said it looked nice, but you also don’t color coordinate your clothes when allowed to pick on your own, so I’m not really investing too much in your opinion. I had used the same material to upholster the dining room chairs (a project that only took me 8 years) and it looks fine on those chairs and in that room, I’m just not happy with the way it looks in the breakfast room. You then proceeded to grill me about “any other changes [you] should know about.” The weather stripping on the backdoor was confirmed as new, as if I would lie about changing weather stripping. You didn’t seem to care about the lightbulbs I changed, but clothes I bought for myself were all approved as “cute, but not like a baby, cute” and then you ranked them from cutest to cute, but not the cutest.

Noah and Jonah came over to play one evening, it was probably the most exhausted I have ever been in my life and it just solidifies the fact that I am not cut out to have more than one small child at a time for any length of time, but still it was a lot of fun.

I also took you to a Cory Morrow concert at Miller Outdoor Theatre. You loved it. You love going to Miller in general, but you also love music, so it was perfect.

New this month, you are standing to pee. Which is nice, and it helps tremendously in public. And your aim is pretty good, so it’s even better. Also you are sleeping in your own room by yourself finally, and I don’t even have to trick you into thinking I’m in there, you let me just leave after we finish reading. Tis awesome.

You are loving my new jeep, you always want to ride in it, the only problem being that I had no intention of driving it to and from work. Also it’s 1000° outside, so riding in the jeep can be equally fun and miserable all at once. It will be better in October.

If you could work on one thing for me this month it would be awesome. Please stop treating me like I’m 5. You’re 5, not me. When I ask you a question, I want an answer, I don’t want you to make the sound of the first letter like I’m taking a quiz and you’re helping me remember something. When I ask “Do you want a burger or nuggets?” The answer I want is either “burger” or “nuggets” not “buh, buh, buh.” Aside from that, I think we’re doing pretty swell.

Love,
Mommy

Is it love?

On the way to school this morning Landon whipped out his play cell phone and ordered me to turn down the radio because he was on the phone.

 

And then I heard this:

 

[Landon]: Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail… Yes, Abigail

 

[Me]: Uh, Landon?  Do you ever tell Abigail “no”?

 

[Landon]: No, Mommy, I LOVE her!

 

Lesbians are taunting me with their nuts.

Last weekend I floated the Comal river for the first time as an adult...a drinking adult. Well, as shy as I am, alcohol tends to unleash my social butterfly ... apparently.

I met all kinds of people. Including - people who had the best nuts I'd ever tasted (or so I think, because - remember? drunk.) Anyway, these people happen to be lesbians from Longview. East Texas middle aged lesbians - had these awesome onion cashews. I ate exactly 3 of them before I got separated from them and lost them forever. But not before finding out that they were from Wal-Mart and getting a good enough look at the bag to see the brand is "World Table" (That would be a Wal-Mart brand.)

So because I have OCD, mostly O, less C, probably alot of D too. I cannot stop thinking about those nuts. I went to two different Wal-Marts in my area and found the brand of nuts, but not that flavor. I looked online only to find out that you cannot order them online, except through e-bay and I refuse to pay $7.50 for a 1/2 lb of nuts when if I can find them in the store they will be roughly $3.

So - I am simply requesting that the next time you mosey down the aisle of Wal-Mart (no one likes to do it, no one likes to admit it, but we all do it eventually at some point) - see if they have them, consider buying me a bag, I will pay you back for them, I swear.

Monthly Newsletter #58

Dear Landon,

This month has gone by at the speed of light. No seriously, and it’s not just because the last newsletter was really really late either. Anyway, I apologize, but this may be the shortest newsletter yet.

This month you began a weird habit of lying. Not terrible lies, but for instance telling GUL and Kimmie that you are taking a balancing class (I’m not even sure what a balancing class would be.) And that your swimming lessons would just be one day (not true, when I finally get around to signing you up, they will be 2 weeks.) Now, these are kind of funny lies and pretty easily verified, but I in no way want you to think that it’s okay to lie. Ever.

We went to Zoey’s 4^th Birthday party. It was all about dinosaurs, complete with volcano cake. Last year you loved her fairy treehouse cake so much you requested the exact same cake for your party – except no fairies, instead you wanted monkeys. I half expected you to have a similar request this year, but you were somehow less impressed by the volcano – instead you’ve decided you need a pirate ship. And something about sand and water…I don’t know, I’ll get you and aunt Kathleen together to work out the details – so long as you don’t expect actual shooting cannons, I think it can be done.

Right now, as I type this, you are at your Grandma and Grandpa Wood’s house. You are in the middle of a week with them. You are having a blast and I’m so glad that you get to spend time with them like that. I used to spend a week with my grandma during the summer sometimes, and we always had a lot of fun. You will have a lot of good memories from those times.

I don’t really have anything for you to work on this month, although I do anticipate a little bit of reprogramming after I get you back from a week with the grandparents – so just be easy on me with that, please.

Love,

Mommy

Monthly Newsletter #57

Dear Landon,

I know this one is a little late, but we were on vacation on the 3^rd, and… well…let’s face it – vacation is not the time to write a newsletter, and neither are the 5 days post vacation when a person is trying to recover from the vacation. So here we are.

Anyway, this month has been crazy busy and a lot of fun too. We hosted what I hope will be our first annual crawfish boil. Next year, we’ll probably do it a little earlier in the season, and probably with a few less crawfish – but all in all I think it was a success anyway. A few of your friends from school showed up and a sampling of the people from each group that I invited. All in all, it wasn’t too bad for a first run at it. I learned a few lessons on this one that I can easily change about next year.

I made plans with one of your friend’s moms to have a play date at some point – although then we promptly left town, so we haven’t actually done it yet, but I will call her, I promise.

You’ve decided that you do want to take swimming lessons. I’ve been looking on-line and asking your friends’ parents about where they took their kids and why, and I think I’ve found a place to do it, I just need to make sure I can get the scheduling done so that you can make it to all of them. I’ve pretty much given up the idea that I could teach you. Parents are just not that great at teaching their kids those kinds of skills – seems odd, but sometimes it takes a stranger.

We went to one of your friend’s birthday party, and you and she and her best friend had a great time – and I made plans with her mom for a future play date too. I hope these tentative, half assed, pseudo-plans turn into something real, because I think that’s something we’re lacking, is friends outside of school. Granted these are friends from school, but you never see them outside of school except at birthday parties.

And the biggest part of the month was our vacation, ahem, I mean tour! Aunt Kathleen’s schedule worked really well…we only dropped a few things we had scheduled, but we had a great time. We will probably have to go back to Washington DC again in a few years, since it’s really more of a 5 day city, not a 2 ½ day city, and we missed a lot of stuff. You had a great time and of all the things we saw you keep saying that your favorite part was the liberty bell. (Which is odd because that was something we came up with after looking at the map and happening to see we passed right by Philadelphia in driving to and from New Jersey.) We even got to do a few more things in NYC than we did last time, even though we also repeated a few things. We got our picture taken on the beam at Top of the Rock – which we were absolutely unable to convince you to do last time, and we got to see Time Square at night with all the flashing lights and even saw a few cool street performers (Spiderman in the street at Time Square – being your second favorite part of the trip.)

Fireworks on the National Mall were spectacular. I think I am ruined for watching fireworks now. Seeing fireworks as tall as the Washington Monument go off right behind the Washington Monument is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity, possibly like being in time square on New Years’ Eve – which, incidentally, I’d also like to do one day. I’ll put it on my bucket list. I can’t wait to sort through all the pictures of all the stuff we did and make our vacation picture book.

For some reason you are noticing all the Eiffel Tower pictures and things I have around the house lately, you’d like to see it for real, but I told you we’d have to wait until you’re 9 or 10. It’s a pretty expensive trip, and I want to be sure you remember it. I’m hoping to steer you towards wanting to see something on the West coast next…although you seem particularly content if we just go see Mary Lou again…we’ve been in the fall and in the summer, so by your reasoning we should go back again to see her in the Spring and in the Winter, just so we can cover all the seasons.

I’m only asking that you continue to be the sweet smart little dude you’ve become.

Love,

Mommy

Monthly Newsletter #56

Dear Landon,
This month we finished up your T-ball season and you announced you never wanted to play T-ball again, right after I bought the same style tee that the league uses, so we could practice. Although, just a couple days ago you expressed sadness that we’d no longer be going to “your” park to play baseball. I asked if you wanted to play baseball again next season and you said “yes.” So I guess that’s a bridge we’ll cross when the try-outs come back up.
You spent a weekend in Galveston with your Daddy and grandparents. The place where you stayed had bunk beds and you LOVED them. I saw my opportunity and jumped on it. I took you to IKEA and had you “test” out all the bunk beds. You picked a not so high bunk bed, which is awesome. And although I don’t want to jinx it, and I’m afraid I will by putting this out there, you’ve slept in it for 3 days now…granted I’m sleeping on the floor below you, but you agreed that in a while when you’re more used to it, that I could move to the guest bed – which you can see from your bed…and from there I will eventually get to return to my own bed. Progress is being made!
We also went to a MLB Astros game with your T-ball (Astros) team. It was pretty disappointing score-wise, but you announced to your grandfather that we won (did not win, far from it.) Although, I’m sure you didn’t notice, due to the extreme amount of sugar in your blood…one ginormous snow cone and a whole thing of cotton candy. I guess you did at least eat a hotdog. But you certainly didn’t fall asleep on the way home like I had hoped.
We went to the Strawberry festival with Miss Catherine and Baby Jack. We met up with Uncle Hector’s cook-off team and they fed us well! I sent you off with Joshua and $20 and you came back with more stuff than I thought $20 could get a person at fair games. And Joshua did say he had to spot you $5…he also said it was well worth it. Too bad he already has a girlfriend because apparently you are a chick magnet.
Your daddy and I finalized our divorce this month. I don’t know how this is going to affect you in the future; we’re trying our best to maintain your normal life. And it seems to be working, you seem very well adjusted. We’re already getting out of the way the fact that there are some different rules at Mommy’s house than at Daddy’s – just like there are different rules at home and school.

I don't have much in the way of things for you to work on this month, because you seem to be on track with everything I feel you should be doing - we may not be where you need to be on those things, but we're on track, and that's the point.

Love,

Mommy

Cute boys!

A couple weekends ago we went to the Strawberry Festival in Pasadena.  Landon wanted to go play games, I wanted to eat some cook off food and go see Brianna sing (she won second place and was AWESOME!!)  So I handed Landon and $20 to Joshua and told them to have a good time.  At the end of the night, Landon had a couple swords and a couple stuffed animals (and apparently one stuffed animal also got lost.)  Looks like they had a good time playing with the ipad too!

And let that be a warning to all the other snakes out there.

I was nearly eaten by an anaconda in my own back yard. The first person I called/texted replied he “doesn’t do snakes.” For the record I wasn’t asking him to “do” the snake, I was asking him to kill it or relocate it. So then, while staring the snake down with my meanest eyes and possibly invoking “the force” to keep it from moving, I decided it would be in my best interest to run next door and acquire someone with a will to kill – I thought I was probably looking for someone with a penis and a hunting tendency, so I headed to the house with the 3 teenage boys who are always cleaning their trucks and doing something with a deer stand in their driveway, but the family wasn’t home, so I headed in the other direction. I got my neighbor and his older daughter (about 11) to come over and by the time we got back, the snake had moved. He said to come on back by if it showed up again. So I started looking, because if I didn’t find that snake it was going to haunt me forever.

I found the snake in the expansion joint between the garage and the patio and screamed. They heard me and headed back over. Followed by the wife and her mother. He coaxed the snake out and used the tile scraper his wife had brought with her to hold him down. I handed over my shovel and the wife and her mother killed the hell out of the snake. I have never seen two more determined women in my life. I give you exhibit a:

Upon posthumous inspection, we decided it was a hognose, non-venomous – but the only kind of snake I like is a dead snake, so that’s fine by me. I left the snake out there for the rest of the day as a warning to the other snakes. And that seems to have worked, because although I am now super cautious when stepping out my back door and have a new patio scanning technique – I haven’t seen any other snakes.

I have however found a dead mouse. And when I found it , at first I was pissed off that I was going to have to pick it up – because I don’t like picking up dead animals. I prefer to have someone else do that. But being that the other person in my household is 4 years old, and doesn’t understand that he shouldn’t touch everything inside a portapotty, I kind of don’t think it’s in his best interest to have him picking up dead animals. And then I thought, what if it springs back to life and tries to bite me – like a zombie mouse. And I’m not sure of the rules of zombies and whether a zombie bite will transcend species, but it’s not a chance I’m willing to take. And of course briefly I thought about the fact that a week earlier I had ordered killed it’s possible predator and if I hadn’t maybe I wouldn’t have had to deal with this. And that thought was cleared by the fact that I am not afraid of mice, I am afraid of snakes, so I’d rather deal with a mouse (and preferably a dead one over a live one) than a snake, and thank goodness this was one animal that didn’t require killing.

I’m pretty sure it was a victim of one of my cats, given the teeth marks on its nose, they leave me presents like that occasionally, and I keep telling them that I prefer James Avery and if they’d like me to show which one exactly I would be more than willing, but they insist on the dead animals, so what can you do?

Monthly Newsletter #55

Dear Landon,

This month we played T-ball. And then we played some more T-ball and then we played a little more T-ball.

Love,

Mommy

Kidding! Yes, we played a lot of T-ball this month, but we did manage to squeeze in a few other things as well.

You are getting better at T-ball, albeit slowly, you only have three more games this season, but you have already said you want to play again next year. Maybe next year your attention span will be such that you can stop playing in the dirt, or with your hat while you’re in the field. Maybe next year you’ll be that big kid on the team that understands the game and the skill level of the other kids and compensates for them (this year that kid is the reason for 99% of our outs.) Anyway, I bought you a tee just like coach Fred uses, so we can practice.

Also this month we went to another show at Miller Outdoor Theater. You immediately made friends with a couple other kids on the hill when we got there. I am still amazed at your ability to do that. I mean, from the kid who 2 years ago froze in the presence of strangers to a kid who walks up to a stranger and asks if he can play…I wish I had that skill. We watched a show call Luma, it wasn’t as good at the Aluminum show we saw last month, but it was still pretty cool. I don’t see any other super exciting shows on the schedule for the rest of the season, but I’ll check it out again to be sure, because you do enjoy going out there and sitting on the hill and falling asleep on a blanket.

You had another birthday party at Chuck E Cheese this month, it was for a kid in your class whose Dad plays for the Houston Rockets. Information you didn’t tell me until you decided you wanted to go see him play, which you announced exactly 2 days after the last game of the season. Hopefully his contract will be renewed/extended, whatever it is they do and we’ll go see him next year. I believe you have a cousin and an uncle who wouldn’t mind accompanying you on that particular outing.

We also kept Baby Jack for a week this month. That baby is so awesome, and we both already miss him. He surprisingly made my life much easier. We got him on Easter morning and kept him until the following Sunday. While he was at the house, each morning we were able to get up and get going earlier and your attitude was very helpful.

You also spent a couple weekends this month with your Daddy at his new apartment. I’m so glad you’re finally getting to spend more time with him, it’s important that you do that, and you guys even made your Star of the Week poster for school together. Also, I don't know if it's playing the wii with your Daddy or the Tball, but you're getting much better at baseball on the Wii too!

One thing we need to work on is your gender stereotyping. I finished building my crawfish table this month. In the middle of putting the legs on, you said "Anyway Mommy, why are you building this, girls can't build things, only boys can." And I just about tackled you. I told you girls can build stuff too, and don't ever tell a girl she can't do something just because she's a girl. I didn't mention that depending on the girl she might deck you, but if you keep up that chauvinistic attitude you’ll find that out soon enough.

Oh and still working on sleeping in your own bed. You did finally admit that your bed is uncomfortable, which I completely agree. The mattress we used for the crib is the same mattress we’re using for the bed and it was purposefully hard when we bought it, but now it seems a bit too hard, and I’m a person who can sleep on a carpeted floor and be fine, so if I think it’s hard, you know it’s hard. We’ll go shopping this weekend for one and I’ll let you pick it out.

Otherwise keep up the good work.

Love,

Mommy